Graveyard Sale

Graveyard Sale

By Billy O. Williams Except from Down to Earth • August 13, 2024 • Updated July 12, 2026

From the Aug 13, 2024 e-Edition

Those big shots up in Washington

are in a raging stew;

The Bureaucrats are running out

of ample revenue.

I picked up the morning paper,

and this is what it said -

They've figured out a way to tax us

even when we are dead.

There'll be taxes on your phone bill

when your folks make your last call;

There'll be taxes on the fuel and hearse

that come to make the haul.

There'll be taxes on the payroll

of the undertaker's aide,

And there'll be taxes on the organ

when your funeral march is played.

There'll be a tax man standing

at the register of your wake,

And I'm sure he'll have it planned out

how more taxes he can take.

There'll be taxes on your flowers

and taxes on your bier,

And there'll be crying taxes

for every little tear.

When they get you to the church house, before they sing one verse,

They'll charge a little extra

just to open up the hearse.

The six men who come to tote you

will stand outside the door,

While taxmen try to figure out a way

to tax this friendly chore.

When you reach the cemetery,

before they let you down,

They’ll add on a planter’s tax,

then put you in the ground.

When your rites have been completed,

on your tomb they’ll place a cup,

And each day your guardian angel

must come by and ante up.

And if for any reason

one day he should fail,

They’ll start to advertising

a great big graveyard sale.

It won’t make any difference

if your loved ones stand depressed,

They’ll have your grave reopened

and your body repossessed.

They’ll scrap your pretty coffin

and make kindling from the box;

They’ll put gold teeth and jewelry

in a safe up at Fort Knox.

They’ll remove the vaults and line them up like military ranks;

Then they’ll advertise and sell them

as super septic tanks.

They’ll sow each lovely flower bed

in kale and collard greens,

And lease the cemetery out

for wheat and soy beans.

Please don’t think I’m crazy

just because of what I’ve said;

They’re gonna keep on taxing us

long after we are dead.

The thoughts of such is bad enough

to make us weak and pale;

Don’t be surprised to see a sign

“Come to the Graveyard Sale”.

Print Issue: 8-13-24

In the e-Edition

McKenzie Banner August 13, 2024

Aug 13, 2024 · Read the full issue →

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