‘Thy will be done’

Out of all the many things I prayed, it was the one phrase I kept buttoned up.

For over a week, grim-faced physicians and department heads paraded through the hospital room where our daughter lay as pulsing and beeping machines kept her alive.

“Your daughter is very, very sick.”

“We’re doing everything we can.”

“In cases like these there’s usually only a twenty-five percent chance she’ll survive.”

“Maybe you should start thinking about quality of life. Machines can keep her alive indefinitely. Is that what you want?”

None of those comments generated any hope.

Meanwhile, friends and family took turns holding us up—figuratively and literally—crying with us, feeding us, hugging us, and praying with and for us.

As for me, I was “praying without ceasing.” Praying for a miracle, praying for the doctors and nurses. I prayed it every way I could imagine, from specific to broad wishes. I tried bargaining with God and making promises.

What I didn’t pray, though, was, “Thy will be done.” Because, what if it was His will that our daughter die? What if there was a bigger work He was planning to accomplish with her death?

How would we survive her death?

Even now, as I write this, my throat is tight, and my heart races.

As each day passed with no improvement, I felt God pushing me backwards until my back was against a wall.

I heard him asking me, “Now, what will you do?”

That’s when I gave up.

I gave up asking for anything.

I was undone.

So, that night, in bed, I whispered, “Thy will be done.”

That’s when everything changed. The next day, our daughter opened her eyes for a moment, the readings on the machines improved, the hospital staff looked relieved. Eventually, she came home.

I’m left on my own to figure out what that was all about, so I’ve concluded God was testing me to see how much I trusted him.

Lots of people use the expression, “let go and let God.” That’s really easy to say until the life of your loved one hangs in the balance.

I was wrestling with God.

Remember, Jesus wasn’t keen on being tortured and nailed to a cross. The night before, he prayed, “My father, if it is possible, do not give me this cup of suffering.”

I don’t know about you, but I can’t believe that was the only time he prayed that prayer.

At the end though, when his back was against the wall, Jesus decided to put it all in his father’s hands because he trusted him to do the right thing. “Not my will, but Thy will be done.”

* Taken from The Wit and Wisdom of David Johnson, Volume II: The Hairy Catfish Caper.